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Daily Affirmations


I take dozens of photos in the bathroom mirror each week.  I find that it really helps to set the tone for the day by providing yourself with the opportunity to start each and every morning by harshly criticizing youself on a microscopic level.

Pinch zoom allows you to do this one pixel at a time.

I like to fixate on the random little spots dotted across my pasty white skin.  I try new ways to suck in my stomach, and bend myself in random and unnatural positions in wasted effort to falsify a "V" shaped body like the guys I see running at the park.  I flex my arms like I'm in competition.  I am reminded over and over again that my first tattoo was a bad idea, and my body hair coverage resembles what I imagine it would look like if Robin Williams had a child with Ron Jeremy.  That same body hair is quickly transitioning in colour from a handsome brown to a creepy santa like white.

The hair (along with my hair covered fupa) is the only part of me that resembles Ron Jeremy.

I spend an equal amount of time each morning on a depressing visual analysis of my dick, followed by a mental comparison between my own and every other dick I've seen (think "Life flashing before your eyes", where all you can see is a stream of endless cocks.  This includes and is not limited to: friends, tricks, porn stars, text messages, boyfriends, and of course dicks seen in the urnial at a stadium bathroom)

As I frown down at it, it shrivels up into its forskin with a grimace and frowns right back up at me.  It looks like a wrinkled wet a sock found after weeks stuck behind the washing machine.

My phone should be destroyed  



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