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Tubes & Tunnels Part 2


5:00 AM - My Iphones starts to vibrate.  I crawl out of bed and selfishly wish that I was unemployed.
5:03 AM - Coffee hisses out of the Keurig.  I sip it and selfishly wish that i was unemployed.
5:05 AM - Dog goes out.  I stand on the deck, sip my coffee, light a cigarette and selfishly wish that i was unemployed.
5:10 AM - I sink down on the sofa and aimlessly flip through channels.  As i sip on my coffee, I selfishly wish that I was unemployed.
5:15 AM - Dog is back inside.  I toss two scoops of a very expensive salmon based food into her dish.  She is happy that I am not unemployed.
 
5:30 AM - I start watching an infomercial about rotisserie cookers.  I notice that the advertised model causes fat to drip away as it spins while the competitors model results in lost flavour dripping away.  Its all the same grease.  
5:45 AM - Coffee hisses once again from the Keurig.  I coax the dog outside as an excuse for me to smoke another cigarette.  She is my willing accomplice.
5:50 AM - I obsessively scroll through instagram.  I double-tap everything, even if I don't like it.
5:55 AM - I stand naked infront of the bathroom mirror in an attempt to motivate myself to workout.
5:56 AM - I step on and off of the bathroom scale.  After 6 hops, I average the results.

6:00 AM - Benchpress  - 220lbs - 3 sets of 12
6:10 AM - Sit-ups - 3 sets of 15
6:15 AM - Chin-ups - 3 sets of 8
6:20 AM - Chair dips - 3 sets of 25

6:30 AM - I shower.
6:40 AM - Teeth freshly cleaned and deodorant applied.
6:45 AM - Dressed.  No Tie.  Ties are for assholes.
6:50 AM - Tie on.
6:55 AM - More Coffee.  I lure the dog outside with a dentabone.  I smoke another cigarette.
7:00 AM - I prepare my lunch.  3 carrots chopped, 1 cucumber sliced and one paper towel wrapped banana all jammed into a ziplock bag.  The ziplock bag is jammed into my backpack.

7:10 AM - I leave the house... walking towards downtown.
7:20 AM - I use my MasterCard to buy cigarettes at a gas station.  She knows my brand.  I'm ashamed by this.  We don't exchange pleasantries.
7:30 AM - I wait inline for 10 minutes for an extra large coffee with two milk.  The server has a nervous tick that causes her to do what looks like chewing gum.  She has no memory of my daily visit or what i would like to order.  I am angered by this.  We are forced to exchange pleasantries.
7:40 AM - I pretend not to see a homeless person outside of the coffee shop asking for change.
7:45 AM - I pass the city library and contiplate turning around and calling in sick to work.




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